Ten thousand feelings.

I got ten thousand feelings, sweet, bittersweet but all for the one heart whose beauty got tangled in my soul. The first time you held me close, you were the fire and I was the snow. When you kissed me, I could taste love, when you called my name, I could hear love and when you touched me, I could feel love. But I could only know, it was love, it was real, when it is him but everything still reminds me of you.

After we left that city, so many people came and went in my life, things changed, I changed, feelings changed but all the ten thousand feelings are somehow still for you.

Today I poured that perfume which I did put when we walked hand in hand while the waves clashed with our feet, the sunset which we watched together and promised each other to see many more in future. The fragrance of the little bottle of jasmine flashed back all the time spent with you. Last night I was listening to the song which I played to dance with you. I remember, I was wearing your extra large tee shirt, it was funny how I looked but it was funnier when I wore my stilettos because you were too tall for me. The song ended and as I opened my eyes, for a moment I couldn’t understand where I was. It happened so many years ago but still felt like tomorrow, so fresh, so vivid, may be because I cherish it so often.

Sometimes I wish I could dive into those memories, the memories of us together, laughing with each other, sipping tea and talking about anything and everything on the rainy days in that tea stall under the tree, meeting each other after the silly fights as soon as the sun touched the night sky, to make things work after the sleepless nights. The memories of us crying together as the thought of losing each other scared us, the memories of promising each other to live together, the memories of settling down in an unknown city. The memories of me aspiring to be a writer and someday telling the world about us reaching here, surviving together.

The memories are beautiful and so perfect although the only flaw is, it isn’t real. Your memories are the drugs to which I am addicted, the memories which keeps me sane because the thought of losing you, once used to dive me insane. Its strange how I have come so far without you, my life at times feels surreal without you. Without you was my worst nightmare but now this is the life I live.

I am happy, couldn’t be any happier. He loves me more than I love you. Unlike you, he kisses on my forehead and tells me “I love you”, with a blush and a smile on my lips I say “I love you too”, but deep down I know all the ten thousand feelings are somehow still for you.

~A.Karma